It seems as if everything is going to fast lately. Months go by and by. Weeks speeding along in the fast lane and sometimes it feels like time doesn’t even exsist.Its crazy stuff. Ever since the day I left ( 7 months, wow) I always thought that time I was here would drag by slowly; that I could have the time to do the things i needed to do. Take care of things that needed some fixin’. Well I feel like its not enough. But I think that maybe I have had that time but the time that is still here and coming, maybe I won’t be able to do anything with it?
I have and am getting better at controlling my reptile. I love it. I feel so good about that but I think a little more time would do me wonders.
Anyways. Recently I have caught myself wishing that I could have done things differently with certain people in my lives. I figured that If I had just done everything right the first time around then I wouldn’t have to be dealing with some of these struggles that I face day in and day out. But then I stop and truely think about it and come to the conclusion that It wasn’t always just me who was supposedly causing all the “fued.” It was also some other certain people. The fact that at the time I nor those other people knew what or even how to control the reptile, didn’t help anything. I sometimes want to give up because I know that no matter what I do or where I go, I feel these certain people will not let up. They just want it their way. Thank god that I now know how to control my emotions because If I didn’t….oh man, everything would be a disaster.
I think from now on out though, I need to look at other people and how their emotions rule over them and learn from it. This is the best possible thing I could do for myself.
Back to the topic of time. I figure I’m just gonna let everything play out as it is. I know that I don’t have to worry about me, its just those other people. But to be honest, I don’t want to have to worry about them and I really shouldn’t. I can always try and help out other people, but It gets to the point sometimes when you realize that all you try to do or even could do, isn’t really gonna help much. Some people just won’t change and thats a fact.
So as my time here is flying by, I am just gonna do what I feel is best for me.
I know that in the end its gonna hurt some people but im not really the one hurting them, its themselves.
My So Called Life 