Why????

Why is it that I just can’t accept the way things are right now!! After all I am the one that put myself here.

In this place, in this financial situation, in this roller coaster of a life. I know life is never easy but man, lately it just seems to be pushing that boundary. I know we all make mistakes, and that’s how we learn and grow. But sometimes we can make such big mistakes that it just messes up your whole life. I guess these would be the times you regret doing something. I know that I have always been told that you should never regret anything you did in your life. After all, I did make the decision so it must have been what I wanted at the time. But what If that was just what I wanted at the time. Or at least thought I wanted?? When It turns out in the end, I never really did want it.

All these things that I have done that I never really wanted to happen/or do, was because one; I was NOT thinking clearly and my emotions were definietly getting the best of me.

What I have done has now affected my life, and in some ways prevented me from doing what I really want to do with my life. Yes, now I may just be coming up with excuses and Im sure in some ways I may be but honestly I’m really not. Some of us at some point in our lives at least make one mistake that has affected our life the way we never wanted it too; and that is definietly happening to me right now!! But I just have to accept that I did what I did and I can’t go back. I might not like it but I made the choice so now I have to continue on with it.

Many days I hate myself for doing it and many days its really not that bad. I just gotta learn from my mistakes and in the future this will help me too not make the same mistakes again.

But why can’t I just accept the fact that I am the one who did it. I am constantly trying to find something or someone to blame it on and I shouldn’t!! I find myself getting upset or angry or just wishing that it was differently.

This is the path I have choosen and I must continue. I must not give up!!! I must use it to my advantage and stop complaining. But why is it so hard??? Why can’t I just accept the fact that I am the one that put myself here!

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