That Lovely Reptile

What is it about emotions that sometimes just wants to make you rip your heart out and toss it across the room. One day you are completely happy and the next its like everythign has turn to poo. Its insanity. lol. And I realize that many of those emotions that I feel just aren’t real and its just my reptile and mind playing games with me but I swear!! Being a women and my mothers daughter, sorry mom, doesn’t really help the fact either. Teh emotions in this family just swirl around like chocolate in a glass of milk. But womens emotions are so much worse than men. That is just the way we are.

Obviously there is the good part of the emotions; Love but that can also suck sometimes. But i’m not talking about that. Recently I have been experiencing having difficulty getting myself/my mind to realize that a lot of the things I feel just aren’t true. I sometimes sit around and let me mind sink in the though of how much my life sucks whn I know its really not true. But our emotions can have so much control over me(us) sometimes that it seems so flippin real.

For a while now i have been away from some of the people that I love so much and it has been so hard. I think about them everyday and yes, sometimes I do cry but why?? Is it really necessary to cry especially when I know that they are still part of my life. They may not be 2 miles away but they are always there and I will always have them, hopefully!! Today I was looking at pictures. A couple of them I had just gotten and as im looking at them, its like I stop and think why aren’t I there with them?? By the way, the people that I am mainly talking about is a family back in another state that I used to live with. They were, actually to me, are family. Anyways, I look at th pictures and my mind starts to wonder. I feel as if Im about to cry because I miss them so much and just wish I could be there. Things are changing and you wish you could be there to witness it.

Its just one of those things where its like you constantly ache to be there and be with them and your emotions definietly start to get the best of you. Its tough. Thats when I have to step in and actually get my brain engaged and think, are all these extra emotions; crying, getting down, etc…helping anything. NO!! So why get that way. I know that I(we) sometimes can’t help it because sometimes you really do have to just cry and let it all out, If you didn’t it would be like a bomb ready to explode. Its just that sometimes I gotta stop and take a breather.

A lot of people out there are controlled by their emotions and sadly they do not even realize it because it all feels so normal but once you stop and start to realize that alot of the things we think and feel just aren’t real; it really makes you question the human mind or just human beings in general.

Anyways, its seems that just lately that’s what I really just want to do, rip my heart out and toss it across the room.  My emotions can get so strong sometimes and it is difficult to learn how to manage them. To be honest though, my emotions and learning how to manage them are a lot better than they used to be. 😛 Ya, its pretty bad!!!!

I know when those negative emotions come up though its really not me. Those emotions are somebody completely different. For a while when I used to get really emotional, I used to say Ohh dang…here comes alice and when I was just the happy, crazy, person I really am I know that the Emmy has come back and that stinkin Alice has gone. By the way, My real name actually is Alice but for a while there I was actually gonna change my name legally to Emilee( Emmy). I prefer to be called Emmy because Alice was the old me, the emotional me. The Emmy was the unemotional/positive me. May seem kindof silly but whatever works, works. There is also more of a story to the whole name thing but we will skip that Its ALOT of explaining and it just might bring out that Alice(negative emotions) in me and I do not want that!

I know that I kind of was just all over the map with this whole discussion but bottom line is; emotions can be just a b**** sometimes and learning how to manage them and realizing that some of what I feel just is not real, can be difficult. Also seeing that almost everybody else in this world runs off of emotions and learning to not react to those can be difficult. Especially when you are constantly surrounded by emotional people. Its hard not to be that way, thats what I grew up around and that’s all I knew.

I have to be able to know what those emotions are; sadness, anger, fear,etc…I have to be able to recongnize what was going through my mind at the time when those emotions came up and I usually try to write down why I felt that way. I have to be able to rationalize if those emotions are real or not. I try to look at the situation, whatever it is, in a more rational way because usually when I do get emotional, its not really necessary.  I all just comes down to me being able to change my perspective on things. Taking the negative emotion and turning it into a positive. But it never sounds as easy as it sounds.

Oh dear reptile/Alice/emotions, whatever you want to call you. Why do you have to be so……


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