Its been half a year since I had left something very important to me behind. Sometimes people make choices or do things in life that they regret (even though sometimes i feel we should never regret.) but its hard not to feel that way when you do things out of pure emotions.
Over the past year to two years of my life I have learned that emotions do have a very big affect on everything in your life. I truely do believe that most all choices people make comes from emotions. Someone once told me that there is a rational part of our brain and then there is the reptile(emotions). The reptile can also have a wonderful side of it but it is mainly destructive. Have you ever had those times when you get very upset or sad over something and you just can’t figure out why? Like its the tiniest things, Like seeing someone you love or used to love, hold hands with someone or hear them say “I love you” and it just sets you off. Well, that is your reptile(emotions.) Those emotions can cause so much strife and troubles in your life.
Now, I do think some people don’t have as much trouble controlling those emotions but I do believe that weather you realize it or not, those emotions still take a daily role in most decisions we make throughout our lives.
I am a very emotional person and I always have been ( I think it runs in the family!!!) so one of my daily struggles in life is learning how to control that reptile, those emotions. I doesn’t really seem that hard but it is. You have to be able to tell yourself that these tiny things that upset you or even people that you know that get upset quickly, its just our reptile and not that rational you.
Take another example, you get in a fight with somebody and your arguing back and forth, back and forth. Those two people that are arguing, its not really them, its their reptile and its taking over!!!
Anyways, back to what i was talking about earlier; about it being a half a year since I left something very important to me. That day wasn’t so good because it was one of those days where I was letting that darn reptile control, and I look back now and I wish that I hadn’t.
That day I thought I was making the best possible step in my life. Moving on to something better, and In one way, I kind of was but in another I was completely destroying myself. I was leaving a place that I loved and was loved so greatly at. I had everything I could have every wanted ( didn’t really realize this till it was gone and out of my reach). Yes, there were many days when everything wasn’t so great and there were problems but there are problems every where we go.
This place I am at now; feels like I have gone back to being somebody I never really wanted to be. That emotional person. That place I had left, It was like I was giving myself a new start and new me. Somewhere were I could learn to control that reptile and enjoy the pleasures in life. Now, you might be thinking, heck! You can do that in any place in life. You are definitely right. You can! It just seems that in certain places its harder to learn to control those emotions.
Maybe, i think that is a good thing. If you can really learn to control that “reptile” in the hardest of the situations, you would have no problem controlling them anywhere else.
But looking back on that day though, I still wish sometimes it never happened. I would be able to be around the people I love the most.
I do think though that maybe that day happened for a reason. I believe that I was put back in this place where it is hardest to learn to control my emotions and I am really being put to the test. I hope and I know that I will be able to control my emotions. I don’t know how long it will take but I know that when that day comes and I can learn to think and control that reptile, I will get the best reward possible.
But this is just another exploration of those depths and shades of that rainbow. Every day I am getting closer to finding my color!